These few humble words go out to the “Local Boy 76” and to all who care to know what I have to say and to all who would like to join in these open chats. Please, try to stay as open-minded as you can, because I know that most people in society have been taught to believe that all of us behind these walls are the ”scum of the earth,” but I’m just here to try to put things into perspective, if I can.
And I know people really don’t know what goes on inside of these sunless cemeteries; they don’t know about the effects of long-term isolation; about sensory deprivation; and they don’t know about inmates assaulting officers, or about officers assaulting inmates; they don’t know about the code of honor that the convicts live by, or about the gang bang mentality of a lot of these prison guards; they don’t know about the barbaric nature of prison life; or about the racism, the stagnation, the deterioration, the gangsterism, the perversion and all of the crazy, sick and depressing things that take place in these graveyards, and how both the guards and inmates alike have to turn off their feelings and numb themselves daily just to be able to adapt and cope with the constant madness that goes on in this demented world of darkness; where there is no real love; no real hope; no incentive to try to do good; no programs; real medical care, treatment and no serious opportunities to reform; and where the quality of life is very low, causing things to only deteriorate and get worse and worse as time goes by.
So, for those who actually care, it is important to use sites like these to be able to air it all out, and hopefully to address some of these issues so that it can lead to positive results. Not only for prisoners, but for the communities that some of these prisoners will have to return to.
Well, in my previous engagement I tried to bring “Local Boy 76” (a former guard here at ESP) into the foray, to get him to really be honest and critical about things and to give him a chance to be a real hero and help us get to the root cause of why this place has the ability to turn even the guards into animals, and maybe to help inform the general public of the true nature of these prisons; and to examine the mentality of the prison guard and of the convict; but it seems like he’s more concerned with how many letters of commendation he’s received while working at the prison, which he tries to make it appear that these letters of commendation make him out to be such an outstanding prison guard!
Well, I was curious about these letters of commendation that the big shot caller, “King of Ely,” Warden McDaniel likes to pass out to his faithful followers, so I asked about seven of these officers if they’ve ever received any letters of commendation from the big-time circus leader, McDaniel and every officer that I asked, except for two of the new guards still in training, said, “Yes.”
And when I asked them what did they get these letters of commendation for, some of them just shrugged their shoulders and said, “For working overtime and stuff like that.” These letters of commendation don’t seem to be very important to them, more like a “doggie treat” and a pat on the head than anything else, I guess for sitting, fetching and rolling over for the “King of Ely,” himself.
So big deal “Local Boy 76,” you got some letters from the warden telling you how good of a suck ass you were. So what? That doesn’t make you a hero, Man, so take your cape off and sit your goofy ass down in a corner somewhere.
And so you think I’m a waste of life, huh? I’m glad you can be honest and say what you really feel about me. I think your statement gives people a glimpse into the average mentality of the prison guard. I know a lot of guards (not all) think that all of us in here are worthless “pieces of shits” and I’m glad you could help me make this point. But more so, I’m really glad that you don’t work here anymore! And I don’t tell myself lies, “L. B. 76;” I just don’t let people like you tell lies about me.
The truth is, I’ve had plenty of time to sit back and think about things, because believe it or not, I actually have a deep passion and joy for life that pushes me to really want to rise above all this degeneration, which drives me to just really sit back and reflect on my life, taking the time to slay my own personal dragons (which has been a real struggle!).
I’ve taken a good, hard look at my life, at life in general, at the system, and society, at love, relationships, family, everything, and believe me, I’m not disillusioned, by far. I don’t claim to know it all, but I’ve been able to come to know myself and come to know my own conclusions of things.
In my previous letter I told it like it was, everything I said was real. Yet you came back and tried to discredit me again, by saying that if I keep lying to myself that I’ll eventually believe the lies (even though you’ve failed to admit to lying yourself with your fictional story about my so-called assault of a female officer), but you provide no real argument to try to show how anything I said in my open letter was untrue, so you’re just blowing hot air dude, talking out the side of your neck, with your doggie treat letters, knowing damn well what I said was the truth, even though I was only just touching the surface.
You’re sitting out there in the free world, on the computer at midnight, arguing with ladies like “Little Missy” and “Six Wheels,” about a man in prison, and yet you have the self-centered audacity to call me a waste of life? Get real, Dude. Do something with your life, Man. You make these fake allegations of me being someone who caused problems all the time, failing to elaborate, trying to make me look bad. How do we know that your definition of causing problems isn’t just me putting articles on MTWT, telling it like it is?
But if you want to get real, we can sit here and discuss things, if you want? If you want to pretend that nothing is wrong here at ESP and that overall nothing of any significance is going on here in this death camp, but then if that’s true, then tell me why there have been about 60 officers in the last year who have either quit working here, or transferred to other prisons? And then tell me, in what other prisons in this country has a dropout rate of correctional officers as high, or higher than that?
And if nothing´s happening here, then why has the ACLU taken up a class-action lawsuit against ESP? Why have the Feds investigated certain doctors/medical staff that have worked here at this prison? Why did Lorraine Memory — a real hero — risk her career and more to write a 13 page declaration about the deaths, discrimination and the negligence that have all taken place here?
Why are there so many different lawsuits going against “The King of Ely” and his goons? Answer these questions, “Mr. Firm, Fair and Consistent.”
But no, I’ve never claimed to be an angel. I’ve gone through rough patches in my life, on a path of self-destruction. I’ve had my share of ups and downs, took my hits and kept moving. I still struggle to this day to keep my cool and to maintain my sanity in here. It has all been a process of self-discovery, of shedding my old skin, finding my essence and coming into my own. I can honestly say consciousness is a savior, and not to mention that I’ve had to be a fighter to even get to the point where I am now.
I see prisoners lose their minds in here, fall under, and break all the way down until they’ve lost their souls. I’ve seen the madness, I’ve lived this shit, and the cold part about it is, it takes a serious level of resistance to stay strong and persevere and to keep a shred of your humanity, but it’s that same resistance that gets us in trouble with the prison administration and that keeps us confined to a cell for 24 hours a day for months and years at a time. So it’s a Catch 22. There’s really no way to win. You either let this shit break you, or you don’t, but either way you lose. There’s no real victories.
You hear about people in the world that gamble away their whole life savings. You hear about drug addicts who throw their whole lives away trying to chase that next fix, but then you’ve got people like me who could have one bad day and say fuck it all. It’s been a struggle to overcome self-destruction, resist depression and come to grips with life all at the same time.
It’s hard to care, when no one cares about you.
And that’s the case for a lot of people in here. We had it bad before we came to prison, have it bad while in prison, and will still have it bad when we get out. Going from living in a cage, treated like dirt, and then thrown back into a world that makes no sense to you, as an ex-felon, with strikes against you, trying to learn how to live out there, it’s no wonder people are scared to leave prison. These are things that people have to understand. These are things that need to be addressed.
I get out of here in three years. I don’t want to get out and fail. I don’t ever want to come back to this shit, but nobody ever really wants to come back, but it happens, it’s a revolving door, it happens, people come back, and it‟s sad.
We’ve got to talk about all of these things. We’ve got to hear it from all sides. There’s not just one side to this story. Everybody has a side of the story to tell, the victim, the offender, the guards, society, everybody has their own side of the story, and we can’t forget that.
People who don’t know me can´t really judge me, ´cuz they haven´t been through what I’ve been through, they haven’t endured what I’ve endured, they haven’t seen how this darkness turns people into monsters. All they know is what they’ve seen on some prime time television drama, they don’t want to know the brutal realities of this horrific world called prison!
And until people start to look at things from all sides, there will never be any true understanding, and without true understanding there will never be any effective solutions to these problems, struggles and tragedies of society, poverty, crime and life.
For all those who care, I just want you to know that I’m here to help now, I’m here to raise awareness and to be a part of the solution. I’m here to pour out my soul, plant seeds of consciousness and to make a difference in my own way.
I’ve seen how this place, these prisons can turn a kind soul into a cold soul. I’ve seen what this madness does to a man. That’s one of the reasons I’m constantly trying to make more people aware of how important it is to build true, solid relationships between the people on the outside and the people in prison who actually strive to rise above these heartbreaking struggles.
We’ve been placed in prison and separated from our families, separated from meaningful relationships with the only people in the world who care about us and thrown into a zone of war, deceit, violence, negativity, sadism, corruption, gangsterism, racism, addiction and destruction, and then forced to learn how to sink or swim with the sharks and in the process of survival, become as heartless as the next man.
We’ve been thrown into these prisons, stripped of a sense of purpose, will and spirit and slowly we begin to lose a sense of connection with life beyond these walls and we become more and more tuned into this barbaric world of predation, and as we become more and more tuned into this madness called “prison life” we become less and less tuned in to ourselves as we learn to numb ourselves and brace ourselves and endure loneliness, torment and all kinds of suffering: and then released back into society and forced to learn how to live out there with the odds stacked against you. It’s sick!
And until people start caring about us, and about what goes on in these hellholes, things will only get worse. We’re not gonna be able to care enough about ourselves until people start caring about us, and that’s real!
We need people to get involved in our lives in real and meaningful ways, because we have been exiled from society and placed in an even more hopeless environment, and we start to deteriorate and become even more antisocial until we get to the point where we feel we have nothing to lose and that’s when we become reckless with our lives and we go all out, throwing it all down the toilet, and we are destroying ourselves and being destroyed while having to survive this profane existence. It’s inhumane. It’s madness.
For those who care, we need people to get involved in our struggles, in our lives, we need people to give us something meaningful to look forward to, we need love, support and guidance from our communities, our families, and from people who care. We need to have something real to connect to.
So “Local Boy 76,” you can wave around your doggie treat letters of commendation, and put your cape on and tell make-believe stories of heroic attempts to save damsels in distress all you want, if that’s what you want to do.
It doesn’t matter what you do, because it‟s really not going to stop me from doing what I do. But I‟m asking you one more time, to get involved in something meaningful here. Help us expose the injustices and the inhumanity that takes place in this graveyard called ESP. It´s up to you, Man. You can be a real hero. You can do something real. You can
start by telling people how this prison has the ability to turn even the guards into animals. It´s up to you, “Local Boy 76.”
And with that said, I‟m opening up the lines of communication for anyone who has anything significant to say or who want to get involved. Let‟s air it all out, let‟s put it all on the table, let‟s hear it from all sides. Let‟s talk about these things. If you really care, then here‟s your chance to get involved in something positive.
In truth and with sincerity,
AKA: “Local Prisoner 77”
For letters of encouragement you can write me at this address:
Coyote Sheff # 55671
PO Box 1989
Ely, NV 89301-1989